So another year comes to an end. It’s hard to classify this year with any terms or with any other year of my life. So much happened this year and yet I am at the same place where I was a year back. Nothing eventful happened in worldly terms and yet I am not the same person I was an year back. May be, taking a term from Murakami’s dictionary, I can say that my Elephant factory was at full swing and yet nothing concrete or substantial was produced there. Funny are the worlds of words & thoughts and I was held captive by them.
Year started good with me reading more and more, getting immersed more and more into the worlds of Camus, Kafka, Dostoevsky and Murakami. I got so indulged in that world that my existence almost became a wormhole existence.
Whenever people around me have changed. Be it my school changing or our house shifting or my coming to college after schooling or my job after that. I have always, initially been out of place everywhere with every change. And then after some time I become more at home with the new place and people, more understanding towards them, though can’t say how much they understand me after that time. I have always been conscious of that and some time back I started calling that coming a full circle.
This year I entered more into this world of literature, cinema and philosophy, more concretely this world of art. With every writer and with every director, as I proceeded more into it I got more displaced, not from that world but from reality and people around me, and some how I never came to that good old full circle. May be because of the kind of things I have been following in that world which are most of the time divorced from the reality around me. I have been kind of spiraling instead and getting swallowed more inside like a worm hole.
And so much so that there even was a period of 6-8 days where I almost felt like Gregor Samasa. Almost every day in that period I used to woke up at 6-7 in the morning and then lie there in the bed thinking, if I will become Gregor Samasa today, though I eventually got up every day only to get back to the same place next day. Even I can’t say for sure if I wanted that spell to break or not, at that time.
Then there came another period when I was almost desperate to leave every thing and go to some college and study philosophy or Literature. Then pondered over going abroad for that or choosing some Indian university, also met few philo professors but eventually just couldn’t cross the greatest divide.
In the mean time kept on watching cinema and reading Literature. They were the only lifeline of mine.
Then in the last quarter I had to do some prep for CAT and all, which is partially continuing even now and may take few weeks more. Yeah, CAT..Wondering why? Its just I want to do some entrepreneurial stuff, which I think will keep me close to few things that I like without much bother will also keep the people around me, whom I care for, happy.
So this pretty much sums up the year for me. Yeah, I know I wrote too less abt the books and movies. They actually deserve a big separate post which I will be writing soon.
Well, that all abt the much hyped year end posts.